Psychology is a science. Writing about psychology, however, is an art. It takes a gifted writer to describe human nature and the complex human brain in engaging, expressive prose. In The Gifts of Compassion: How to understand and overcome suffering, Stan Steindl, PhD, displays the artistry of a storyteller backed by the knowledge and scientific grounding of a University professor and PhD of clinical psychology.
Leaders often get tripped up by the complexity of compassion, with questions such as: Is it soft? Will I appear weak if I allow myself to be vulnerable? Will my team take advantage of me if I offer them compassion? The Gifts of Compassion is a wonderful resource to help answer such questions. Steindl is able to hold in tension and bring together many issues that more binary thinkers consider to be in conflict. For instance, he demonstrates how compassion requires courage and wisdom, and is not a weakness.
The tone of The Gifts of Compassion is set from its first chapter, “A Very Short Telling of a Very Long Tale,” a brief history of the human brain and how we function. It works beautifully and allows Steindl to set up his conclusion about the many facets of our human nature and how we behave, “It’s not my fault, but it is my responsibility.”
Having clearly described human nature in the first half of the book, including the suffering we can create with our innate reactions to circumstances, Steindl turns to the path of overcoming suffering. The path moves through cultivating a mindful and non-judgmental awareness of ourselves, envisioning what our compassionate self could look like, and then bringing that compassionate self into full bloom through the way we treat our self and others. Compassionate leadership starts from the inside out, and Steindl offers a meaningful structure for the inner work of compassionate leadership.
The overall voice of the book is that of a non-judgmental psychologist: comforting, soothing, and encouraging. One of the paradoxes of writing about non-judgment is how tricky it is to describe the counterproductivity of judgment non-judgmentally. If non-judgment is what we seek to achieve, does that mean judgment is bad? Steindl addresses this directly, “Non-judgment doesn’t mean never making judgment calls. In compassion, we have to make judgment calls about suffering and how to help.”
Based on the powerful, scientifically based compassionate mind approach pioneered by Paul Gilbert, Steindl makes this rich material accessible without dumbing it down. His writing is clear and precise, which is invaluable to appreciate the complex nuances of compassion. Steindl distills the extensive body of compassion research – Gilbert’s The Compassionate Mind has over fifty pages of footnotes and bibliography for example – into a thoughtful and readable book; a book which, by the way, has no footnotes and a quite abridged bibliography.
The book has a companion workbook (not reviewed here) for sale separately to permit the reader to apply the principles of The Gifts of Compassion to their own life. The workbook’s questions and reflections are referenced in the book and make for a valuable individual practice – with or without the workbook.
Our highly evolved capacity for compassion is one of humanity’s most wonderful traits. We have the capacity to treat ourselves and others with care and kindness (and to receive care and kindness from others as well) and when we do, the impact is profound. The Gifts of Compassion is an excellent resource for leaders with the intention of bringing more compassion in the world.