Remember going to the playground as a young child? The spaces are filled with possibilities, challenges to navigate, and new equipment to climb and crawl on. Imagine approaching the sandbox and you see, sitting in the corner of the yard, a seesaw, with a line of eager children waiting to take their turn.
In order to make seesawing fun, you have to use your weight and your balance to counter the one sitting opposite. If you simply sit at equal footing, nothing happens. No one moves. And if you use too much force, the kid sitting on the other side of the bench will crash to the bottom, bumping on the way down.
We often speak of paradox - the space where both sides of opposites can be true. For those who only hold on to the softer side of compassion, nurturing compassion, it is hard to recognize the true power that leading with compassion offers. Compassionate leaders can hold on to the paradoxical aspect of compassion, which is that it also requires great strength. Leaders who understand this know how to balance both the strength and care of compassion. While power alone or strength over systems may feel more efficient for those in power, we all know this approach isn’t effective in the long-term.
Research shows, over and over again, that leaders who center their leadership and their teams with compassion experience:
• Greater creativity
• Higher employee engagement
• Higher employee retention and loyalty
• Higher productivity
• Improved financial returns
• Reduced burnout for care providers
• Improved patient compliance
• Better medical outcomes
And yet, the concern arises consistently that leading with concern and care for others will be perceived as weakness. In reality, leading in this way creates trust, safety, and connection, all requiring great strength. And if you are aiming for the outcomes outlined above, as most organizations are, the path to success is achieved with care, concern, and response to suffering.
The power of compassionate leadership comes from leaders tapping into the unique gifts and talents of each employee. Compassionate leaders become effective through listening and facilitation of differing perspectives which creates shared goals. Communicating those goals with clarity ultimately results in decisive and bold action. This is hard work requiring great courage. There’s nothing soft about compassionate leadership.
It’s tempting to trust the experience and gut of one person, especially a very tenured leader. But that is no match for the wisdom of the group. To invite more people into decision making and joint visioning requires vulnerability and a willingness to share: “Here’s what I know and here’s what I’m hoping for. What might I be missing? And who sees it differently?”
Compassionate leaders are able to allow themselves to be seen as simply human. While we all would like to appear perfect, people see right through our glossy attempts at perfection. Once we overcome our fear of imperfection, messy is actually way more interesting, and it’s certainly more genuine. Opening up when we have doubts is valuable because it solicits information to get to better decisions, lets people know that it is safe to speak up and ask questions, and builds deep connections to others through showing yourself authentically. When you can be real, you also invite others to share parts of themselves that are a work in progress.
Compassionate leaders also feel and demonstrate care for everyone they interact with and especially their team. When you’re leading with the team in mind, and someone is creating challenges, enact the courageous compassion to hold them to account. There is nothing compassionate about turning away from the problem or avoiding a difficult conversation. Accountability is a requirement for compassionate leaders.
Skilled, strong leaders can stand next to employees, and when necessary, say “It’s not okay for you to engage in this unproductive behavior. I’m going to support you to find a way to grow and move beyond this pattern.”
This way of guiding and supporting requires skill and strength to set clear boundaries without shame or judgment, and clarity of how to get to an appropriate place of behavior. And it’s much gentler (and works much better) than shames and threats.
Leading with fear rarely creates lasting change. Instead, compassionate leaders offer care and concern to everyone, even to those for whom it is hard to do. When we can see the unique value of each individual, we can support and coach that person to reach their full potential.
Accountability addresses the suffering that disruptors create for an entire team and supports the creation of cultures of safety and connection and belonging. This is a key element of leading FOR compassion for the benefit of all.
As you think about your leadership right now, how would you fill in the blanks to the statements below:
I feel strong as a leader when ….
And
Compassionate leadership, to me, is like….
Feel free to share your responses in the comments below.
Perhaps, it’s time to turn inwards and examine where you want to assert your strength. Leading with compassion requires both ferocity and a steadiness to get you to even ground where more people can thrive together.