In Valentine’s Day season, we are led to believe that love is all about Hallmark cards, flowers and chocolate. Just like much else in our world, something very important to our essential being has been co-opted and commercialized, so much so that this sentimentalized, monetized version of love is what comes to mind when many of us think about love.
Love is undoubtedly the most powerful emotion that we have, and one that is universally recognized by science and cultures around the world as a central aspiration of living. At the Center for Compassionate Leadership, we think it is worth elevating love in the conversation everywhere – at home, at work, in our educational systems, in healthcare, government and beyond.
The early 20th century psychiatrist Harry Stack Sullivan defined love as when “the satisfaction or the security of another person becomes as significant to one as one's own satisfaction or security.” Love is about caring deeply for the well-being of another.
Why should we focus on love? For starters, it is a primary teaching in all the great traditions throughout history. Evolutionary theory and neuroscience show us the critical role that caring for each other in community has played in the strengthening and growth of the human species. And at this point in the human timeline, with the planet supporting nearly eight billion people, the need for caring for each other on a global scale couldn’t be more urgent.
One aspect of love that is central to the effectiveness of leaders is having love for themselves. If our aspiration is to care for others as much as we care for ourselves, then we’d better be taking care of ourselves first. The initial step toward leading with love is to operate from a strong foundation of self-compassion and love. There are many good ways to regularly engage in healthy self-compassion. One way to start is with our practice: “Note to a Dear Friend.” Or you can look into your eyes in the mirror each morning, and say “I Love You!” See if you can do that for the next week, or make it an ongoing habit. (HINT: It sounds easier than it is.)
Once anchored in self-compassion, we can move outward towards caring for those close to us. When we practice love and compassion in the workplace, what happens? The evidence is quite compelling. Teams produce more. Employee satisfaction rises. Employee turnover declines. Teams operate more creatively. It certainly makes sense. When people are worried about their safety and security, they are distracted and operate from fear. However, when people feel seen, heard, and respected, they flourish individually as well as contribute wholeheartedly to the organization.
If love and compassion are such valuable leadership traits, why don’t we see it expressed more often? Why aren’t we talking about it and developing it more broadly? We still operate in a world where leadership is thought of as hard and directive, and where the role model for leadership is more Machiavelli than Gandhi. But the zeitgeist is changing. Now, we all know people willing to discuss love and leadership (in the same conversation, that is) as well as those who are open to the idea that maybe we can create more together by cooperating than by competing.
Love is our most potent, most positive emotion. Don’t settle for a sentimentalized box of candy this week. Lead with your heart! Lead with love!
Photo Credit: CalypsoArt.