At the start of our programs, we ask participants what their curiosities are around compassion. We know each of us come into compassion work with different histories and definitions of what compassion means to us. We like to know what experiences and definitions are informing the group. We define compassion as the awareness of suffering of others coupled with the desire to alleviate the suffering and remove the causes of suffering.
Awareness + Connecting + Empathy + Action = Compassion
There is consistent curiosity about whether one can be a strong leader while leading with compassion. The frequency of the question reminds us of the importance in exploring yet another polarity – the need for compassionate leaders to display both nurturing compassion and courageous compassion. This polarity is described beautifully by Joan Halifax as “The soft front and strong back” of compassion.
For most of us, when we think of compassion, we usually think of nurturing compassion:
A parent taking care of a child
A healthcare provider taking care of someone ill or injured
A friend comforting someone who is hurt or grieving
A stranger offering a jacket to someone on the bus who is in need
A co-worker offering to share paid time off for someone needing treatment
These are examples of the “soft front” of compassion and this form is very important. Nurturing compassion is a way that leaders can lead with compassion. It is immediately responsive to suffering as it arises. It is typically focused on the individual and their suffering or the suffering arising from something specific such as a natural disaster, loss, disease, or acute experiences of pain.
For leaders, nurturing compassion is an important and visible way that they lead with compassion. Examples of this type of care are more likely to take place in the moment, be responsive to events happening in the moment, and can make a significant difference for the person suffering. Monica Worline and Jane Dutton write, “Leaders guide many others throughout the organization about how to think, feel, and act when suffering surfaces simply by how they act.”
However, if we only address suffering as it arises, and neglect to examine the root cause, the suffering will repeat. Courageous compassion, or utilizing a “strong back”, then is equally important. It invites us to bring about change in systems that are creating suffering; the places or root causes of pain in organizations. Courageous compassion allows us to lead for compassion.
As you think about organizations you’ve worked for in the past, or perhaps the ones you are leading now, how familiar do the following scenarios seem to you?
Employee A: I’m feeling overworked → I’m burning out → I’ll take a day off to get a massage (aka it’s my job to go fix myself and these challenges.)
Employee B: My colleague in another department holds critical information for my department to complete a project. They are either resistant to making the effort to help out or marginally helpful. My boss has to intervene and get the information, which relieves the problem temporarily, but the pattern continues.
We hear similar scenarios about harmful workplaces all the time. Courageous compassion instead invites us to turn the lens another direction to instead address the root cause of suffering.
Leader A: Our workplace is demanding too much → a lack of resources is leading to burnout → What can I, as a leader, do to help fix the system?
Leader B: Our organization depends on cooperation and collaboration across departments. How can I build high-quality connections among team members from different teams and reward cross-department cooperation instead of lone-wolf behavior?
This shift requires great courage. It can be difficult to explore your role and responsibility for the conditions that are causing the suffering. As we steward organizations forward, courageous compassion helps us lead with our values in front and allows us to no longer tolerate behavior or conditions that are harming the group. Courageous compassion creates firm boundaries and requires great inner strength.
Even with practice, it’s uncomfortable to respond to chronic bad behavior or have difficult conversations, especially when the stakes are high. Most of us are taught to shy away from conflict. These necessary responses are not typically seen as compassionate acts. However, courageous compassion helps us dig deeper within ourselves to find the strength needed to create the change we want to see in the world.
Both nurturing compassion and courageous compassion invite us to explore our roles in leadership in new ways. You can ask yourself the following questions to examine how this polarity may be playing out for you, right now.
Where can I be more curious? How can I ask better questions to understand the systems and structures we operate in? Who may be suffering and how will I know?
How will I use courage to lead with our organization’s values? Are our values living on a poster on the wall, or are there stories that bring our values to life?
Where must I be courageous and take action, even if I’m uncomfortable? How can I prepare for the difficult conversations and decisions that must be made to better serve the team as a whole?
How will you use both nurturing compassion and courageous compassion in the following weeks? We invite you to tap into your courage and share your reflections in the comments below.