Compassionate Leadership Practice Series: Just Like Me

Background

Many conscious and unconscious factors cause us to feel separate from other people. Sometimes we feel bias, “other,” or separate due to differences of background, race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, education, status, politics, geography, and more. Sometimes we are triggered by another’s behavior toward us.

We all tend to default to a focus on the difference between “us” and “them,” which is an evolutionary survival instinct. Nowadays, however, differentiation leads to feelings of shame, blame, isolation, anger, and even hatred.

Yet, there is a more compassionate approach to dealing with the conscious and unconscious biases that confront us every day. We find an antidote in recognizing our similarities, our common humanity, and connectedness. When we celebrate what we share as human beings, we open the door to empathy and compassion. We are more alike than we are different.

Chade-Meng Tan, author of Search Inside Yourself, helps us understand why this simple practice can have such powerful results. For starters, the more we perceive someone as similar to ourselves, the greater empathy we have for that person. Our enhanced empathy leads to more kindness and compassionate action toward that person. Science backs this up. And the good news is that we can develop these positive feelings by choosing to practice. We have the ability to grow our capacity for empathy. Once we welcome another as “just like us,” and wish them well, it reinforces a circle of empathy, compassion, and kindness.

I learned this practice on retreat with the gifted meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg many years ago. I find it particularly useful in busy airports, traffic jams, work challenges, in leadership trainings, and to soften conflicts with friends and family. It’s as powerful with strangers as it is with spouses, and everyone in between, including myself.

You are welcome to use the traditional phrases here, or feel free to adapt the phrases to the situation at hand, and make them your own.

Practice: Just Like Me

Time Commitment

2 – 10 minutes

Get Ready

Sit quietly, if circumstances allow. Or perhaps you are on a crowded train. Wherever you may be, draw your attention inward. Breathe in and breathe out for several cycles of natural breath to help quiet and rest your mind. Feel your body down through your legs, the soles of your feet, and connected into the earth.

The Practice

Bring someone to mind, and see a picture of them in your mind’s eye. Or maybe they are sitting right in front of you :)

Acknowledge that they are simply human, just like you. Repeat any number of phrases, while at the same time thinking of them. Pause at the end of each phrase to reflect and remember we are all human.

This person was born into this world, just like me.

This person has a body and mind, just like me.

This person has experienced suffering, just like me.

This person has been sad, angry, or hurt, just like me.

This person is sometimes scared and worried, just like me.

This person wants to be loved and understood, just like me.

This person wants to be seen and heard, just like me.

This person wants to be safe and healthy, just like me.

This person wants to belong, just like me.

This person wants to be happy, just like me.

Next, we wish them well, even if it feels hard to do, so that we can cultivate the feeling of loving kindness. Wishing well to others often inspires us to feel even better about ourselves.

I wish for this person to be free from pain and suffering.

I wish for this person to be safe from harm.

I wish for this person to have health and wellbeing.

I wish for this person to move through life with ease.

I wish for this person to be happy.

Because this person is a fellow human being, just like me.

Closing

Take another few rounds of natural breath, sitting with the new awareness that you have just cultivated. Enjoy the fruits of your practice.

Encouragement

Try this out in a number of situations. And see if you can create a new habit of “Just Like Me” by attaching this practice to an existing habit.

Please let us know if you have any questions or would like support with your practice. We’d love to hear how it goes for you.