What do we think of when we think of enemies? We all understand opposites and how they pull in directions that conflict with and are hostile to each other. It isn’t only opposites that can undermine your efforts. Consider the idea of a “near enemy” – something that seems like it should support an intention but actually weakens it.
When it comes to compassionate leadership, there are plenty of near enemies. Let’s begin our exploration with four near enemies of compassionate leadership: intellectualizing, assimilation, judgment, and fixing.
Intellectualizing Compassionate Leadership Is the Near Enemy of Nurturing Its Growth.
Compassionate leadership is a process and an ongoing practice with no finish line. In recognition of this, compassionate leaders lead and collaborate in ways that help others grow their own compassion through creating environments of safety, connection, and belonging. Leading in this way requires employing all ways of knowing – Intellectual, emotional, and intuitive. To fully grow one’s compassion competence not only requires a cognitive understanding of the topic, but also it requires consistent embodied practice to engage other dimensions of learning.
To deepen your compassionate leadership skills you can start with a book or a checklist, but it can’t stop there. The idea that an exclusively (or even primarily) intellectual approach to the exploration of compassionate leadership will be successful holds us back from tapping into the wisdom of our inner landscape and our common humanity. Compassion requires us to connect to others in a way that we believe that they are worthy of our attention. Having achieved that level of human connection, compassion requires us to have empathy for the other – to resonate with their emotions. These are fully emotional experiences that develop as we live wholeheartedly and act with, from, and for compassion. People around you will learn the practices and principles as you embody and model compassionate leadership in your daily presence.
Assimilation Is the Near Enemy of Belonging.
Compassionate leaders create environments where every individual feels like they belong, have a voice, and have the chance to participate in the decisions that affect them. Compassionate leaders and organizations invite each person into full participation as their complete, unique self. When organizations limit participation to those who “fit in,” theirs is not a culture of belonging.
An illustration of this near enemy relationship can be seen in the ways organizations use mentors. Are mentors intended to pass along “the way things are” so that new hires can fit in? Or do mentors encourage junior employees to bring their unique gifts to work, just as they are.
Encouraging and welcoming every person’s unique contribution adds vibrancy, new perspective, and possibility to the mix. Making people “fit in” reins them toward the status quo and drains the potential for personal and organizational progress. Assimilation is the near enemy to belonging and leads to stagnation.
Judgment of Right and Wrong Is a Near Enemy to Decisive, Effective Action.
To make the best decisions possible, compassionate leaders must be clear-eyed and see circumstances exactly as they are. This clarity of vision is supported by the ability to name situations objectively and non-judgmentally. When that naming becomes strongly judgmental, contrary to what we might think, it undermines the effectiveness of action.
Sitting in judgment of the way things are fosters shame and blame of the “bad” and pride in the “good.” While shame can be marginally effective in gaining short-term compliance, it is an ineffective approach for long-term change and undermines an environment of trust and safety. Shame and blame create a culture of fear while compassion offers an approach of understanding which allows going deeper to the root cause. Curiosity about negative behaviors, instead of judgment, supports compassionate leaders in recognizing what really needs to change.
Fixing Is the Near Enemy of Effective Problem Solving.
Compassionate leaders understand the importance of listening with respectful curiosity in ways that keep them from jumping to premature conclusions. When someone shares a challenge that they are having, it can be very tempting to provide a solution to the problem right away. It’s a way to bypass our own discomfort while thinking that we are helping.
This is not an ideal response if people are sharing in pursuit of something other than a solution. Instead, start by asking people what would be of greatest benefit. In fact, you can be completely direct with your inquiry: What do you need from me? A listening ear? A brainstorming session around solutions? A hug?
Being with someone who is having a hard time can be hard for you as well. In fact, empathy means that we resonate with the emotions of another person – when we empathize with someone who is hurting, we hurt, too. It’s only natural to want to jump to a solution, but doing so risks jumping to the wrong solution.
This is especially true for leaders who are conditioned to believe that their role is to fix. But remember, “Slow is fast, and fast is slow.” Pausing and listening deeply leads to a more appropriate response and it may lead to a collaborative exploration of the problem, all of which enhances the growth and development of your colleague.
In Closing…
Sometimes, a little peek beneath the surface shows that what we thought was good isn’t all that it seems. This is how it is with the near enemies of compassionate leadership. A fully open-hearted leadership approach can be held back by practices of intellectualizing, assimilation, judgment, and fixing.
Try instead to lean in and lead with all aspects of your being. Soon you’ll notice that your compassionate presence is influencing those around you in ways both seen and unseen.