What do you see?
When you look at this image, what do you see? This figure, often called the old woman / young woman ambiguous figure has been the subject of extensive research on our perceptions. Some people primarily see the younger woman, while others see the older. Some can see both equally easy and go back and forth between the two.
What do you see when you look at another human being? Do you see the characteristics that differentiate you and the other person, or do you see the traits that are the same? Are you able and willing to see both the difference and the commonality? These questions are important, as what we perceive impacts how we respond to the other.
The powerful impact of seeing differences
When we see someone else suffering, the pain portion of our own brain is activated. How that activation occurs, however, is affected by our perception of differences or similarities that we have with the person in pain. This video offers a fascinating explanation by David Eagleman of research that he and his colleagues performed showing the unique way those differences impact our brain response.
The suffering of another person is much more likely to resonate with us emotionally to create an empathic response when that person is part of our “in-group.” As the research demonstrates, our response to someone who is in an “out-group” is much less likely to be empathic.
What is the compassionate leadership move? There are two responses we can take. First, we can focus on our shared common humanity, expand our circle of compassion, and work to encompass a compassionate response for everyone. Second, we can be willing to see our differences as strengths and as a path that enables us to create more together. Much like the optical illusion, we don’t choose to see only shared experience or difference. We work to see, integrate, and value both.
Expand our “Circle of Compassion”
Dr. Eagleman’s research shows us that one way compassionate leaders can strengthen our compassionate response is by viewing everyone as part of our in-group. Even within organizations or on teams, we typically create divisions and rivalries. Those divisions limit our ability to lead compassionately.
The need for cooperation extends far beyond just our teams and organizations. The COVID-19 pandemic and the rapidly escalating consequences of climate change are showing the urgent need for leading with courageous compassion. The historic method of scapegoating the other for our problems will no longer work. If we address the challenges cooperatively, we have a chance to repair the damage. If we continue to throw up dividing walls between our groups, we will all go down together.
One simple way to begin to expand your circle of compassion is the Just Like Me practice. This practice recognizes what we all share. You can try this individually or with a group, and see if it deepens your sense of connection.
Value our differences
Our differences are real and are to be celebrated. When we focus only on that which is most common, we lose the value of bringing our distinctive gifts together. Adopting only the ideas and practices of dominant culture is powerful conditioning that limits our mindset. As john a. powell has said, the opposite of othering isn’t saming, it’s belonging. The benefit in moving beyond this restricting mentality is most significant on a human level, especially for those whose voices have been suppressed by dominant cultures. It also has great impact on an organizational level. Research by McKinsey & Company shows significant outperformance on financial measures by large organizations with more mixed gender and racial composition in the leadership.
In closing…
We are different from each other and the same, all at the same time. Our perspective will impact which we see – the similarity or the difference. Compassionate leaders set an intention and practice to see both.