One of the most common questions we are asked at the Center for Compassionate Leadership is, “What do I do if my boss is not compassionate?” Navigating a compassionate path with an uncompassionate boss or other person is never easy. Let’s explore how to courageously take on this challenge, and in so doing, perhaps discover a new level of mastery in compassionate leadership.
Our drive to achieve and accumulate comes from a place of wanting to create safety. It also comes with a terrible cost. The more we succeed at setting ourselves apart, the lonelier it becomes. The good news is that we are also wired to care for each other. Recognizing our interconnectedness supports us in leading in order to thrive individually, in communities, and in organizations.
In the midst of the turmoil and chaos of these times, setting or resetting boundaries is one of the most important compassionate leadership moves to create a thriving organization. Good boundaries connect us to each other, focus us, and support our wellbeing. Boundaries also protect us. When you map out clear boundaries, especially in collaboration with your team, you set up everyone for success.
The journey of life and leadership is a never-ending series of cycles, requiring different optimal action depending on the circumstances. There are two constants central to the work of every compassionate leader: self-compassion and the recognition of our shared common humanity. These two provide a powerful foundation for compassionate leaders to act, and guide their choice of the approach to use.
No one gets a pass. Not world-class athletes, CEOs, essential workers, parents, teachers, or our kids. We all suffer. We also have a choice about how we respond to suffering through our leadership. We can choose to work together to find a response, or we can turn away. What kind of culture are you modeling and creating in your organization?
What we perceive in others impacts how we respond to them. What do you see when you look at another human being? Do you see characteristics that differentiate you and the other person, or do you see traits that are the same? Are you able and willing to see both the difference and the commonality? Compassionate leaders know the importance of seeing both through ongoing practice.
Difficult conversations – those discussions we know that we need to have, but dread having – can be difficult not only to initiate, but also to engage in a way that continues to enhance your relationships and trust. Courage, non-judgmental awareness, and compassionate communications, all arising from a place of self-compassionate anchoring, are the compassionate leadership skills to bring to your next difficult conversation.
Speaking up can be a scary act. Examples abound of leaders who shoot messengers bringing opinions that differ from what they want to hear. Creating cultures that celebrate those willing to speak up and become vulnerable starts with leaders. If you want others to take risks for you, show your own vulnerability and trust first. The benefits will show up in greater safety, connection and belonging.
We all recognize that compassion requires kindness. The research shows that compassion comes more easily to those who nurture instinctively. But if we stop there in our consideration of compassion, we miss out on some of the most important and powerful parts of compassion – those parts that exhibit courage and strength. In organizations in particular, courageous compassion is particularly necessary.
Here are five of our recommended reads for compassionate leaders looking for new inspiration this summer! From highly anticipated books written by recognized leaders in self-compassion and compassion in the workplace to practice- and growth-oriented books from professors in the UK and Australia to a searing, creative account of the issues of colonialism in public health. Read one. Read them all.
